Sunday, July 18, 2010

Pick-up lines from the philosophers

Thales:

“Can I buy you a drink of water?”

Parmenides:

[singing] “Don’t go changing, to try and please me. I love you just the way you are.”

Cratylus:

[Says nothing. Waves his finger flirtatiously.]

Pyrrho:

“Are those real?”

Plato:

“I couldn’t help noticing that you participate in the Form of the Hot.”

Aristotle:

“You bring out the social animal in me.”

Descartes:

“Pinch me, honey, ‘cause I think I must be dreaming.”

Berkeley:

“I can’t get you out of my mind.”

Kant:

“Wow, great phenomena. What are the noumena like?”

Schopenhauer:

“I’m willing. How about you?”

Nietzsche:

“Why settle for the last man when you can have the superman?”

Nagel:

“So, what is it like to be a babe?”

Lewis:

“What’s a nice girl like you doing in a possible world like this?”

Churchland:

“I don’t believe we’ve met.”

Feser:

“Potency and act divide being in such a way that whatever is, is either a pure act, or else coalesces necessarily from potency and act as from its first and intrinsic principles. I say more about this in my books Aquinas and The Last Superstition.”

53 comments:

  1. Oh dear......... and I thought Catholic pick-up lines were bad :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, I bet you say that to all the girls. But seriously! - I did laugh out loud at Churchland.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's a good thing you're already married.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nice, ooh ooh, more pick-up lines:
    Alex Rosenberg
    Your self and my self need to get out of here so that we can get serious.

    Galen Strawson
    I can't be ultimately responsible for thinking your behavior is in need of reward and punishment.

    Susan Blackmore
    Sexiness is an illusion constructed by the memes, but by gosh you look real.

    Daniel Dennet
    Everything has a cause so you have a cause namely your parents. If everything has a cause, then what caused your parents? You see what I did? I used a pick-up line no one falls for, so I thought I'd try it on you. Working?

    Peter Singer
    Sex with animals does not always involve cruelty and occasionally mutually satisfying activities may develop. What say you?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Dr. Feser,

    I was curious if you ever read any Hans Kung?
    I'm reading some of his stuff right now and it's not too user friendly. That, and for a catholic, he sure has an axe to grind with all things Catholic/Aristotle and Thomistic.

    Curious as to what your thoughts on him were.

    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hans Kung is not an orthodox faithful Catholic. Just to warn you. Pope JP 2 & then Cardinal Ratzinger revoked his license to teach Catholic Theology.

    Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  7. John Dewey:
    "Whatever works, baby!"

    John Rawls:
    "There's a reason why there's a `lap' in overlapping consensus."

    Alvin Plantinga:
    "I can be improperly basic, if you want me to."

    David Hume:
    "David is the slave of the passions."

    Jeremy Benthan:
    "If it feels good, do it."

    St. Augusine:
    "Give me a reason to write another confession."

    St. Anselm:
    "Babe, you are than that which no hotter can be conceived."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks Ben!!

    I'm reading (trying to read) one of his books and kept thinking "This guy is more critical to the Catholic Church than most of my evangelical friends/family" (I'm a convert - 2004).

    ReplyDelete
  9. The Kantian one floored me rather unexpectedly. I’m certain he would have six pages between the beginning and end of it, but that is basically what he would say.

    I liked yours, too. :o) Especially, if I think of “act and potency” in a non-trivial way; so to speak “Enough of the Potency, let‘s do the Act” kind of thing.

    I did not know about Cratylus! I‘m ashamed. They say of him: If the world was in such constant flux that streams could change instantaneously, then so could words. Thus, Cratylus found communication to be impossible. As a result of this realization, Cratylus renounced his power of speech and limited his communication to moving his finger. Hehehehe.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Marquis de Sade:

    This comment has been removed by an administrator.

    St. Thomas Aquinas:

    "Have you thought about being a nun?"

    ReplyDelete
  11. *St. Augusine:
    "Give me a reason to write another confession." *

    Most Excellent!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Rats. Beckwith got to Anselm already. No matter, I like mine better than his, even though his is very good:

    Baby, tu es cur meus homo.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nietzsche: May I demonstrate my theory of the overman to you?

    Derrida: Can’t we move beyond this crude dualism of “yes” and “no”?

    Sartre: Ultimately it makes no difference if we do or not. So let’s.

    Heidegger: Oh, forget being-in-the-world. You take me out-of-this-world, baby!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wittgenstein: Don't even try and talk about it. Just show me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Kant: I never knew what a categorical imperative was until now...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Boethius:

    Baby, you look like you could use some consolation.

    Socrates:

    Let's pretend this is the last drink we're ever going to have, and we're gonna die in the morning.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wittgenstein sounds the filthiest so far.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Plato:

    "Hey baby, I've got a form you can participate in."

    The Kantian one though has to be the best.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Popper:

    "You can't refute my invitation: it's unfalsifiable".

    William Lane Craig:

    "Believe me, I can show you an interesting... Kalam"

    Whitehead:

    "Take it easy darling, it's part of the process..."

    Feyerabend:

    "You can invite your other girlfriends and sisters too... don't worry, with me anything goes"

    Brian Leiter:

    "Hey, I invited you first!. So why are you looking at Feser?"

    ReplyDelete
  21. How poorly educated I am--I didn't get hardly any of these!

    ReplyDelete
  22. William of Ockham:
    "Just say the word, I'm yours."

    Ralph McInerny:
    "I'm not just a peeping Thomist."

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hey Brother Hype!

    If I may take a dig at Hans Hung.

    What is the difference between Hans Kung and a Protestant? The Protestant has Integrity.

    Cheers man! Pray for me a Sinner & Pray for Hans Kung.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Graham Oppy:
    I can't even begin to imagine how good you will look at my place.

    David Oderberg:
    The prime matter of our situation is the question of why there is a principle of individuation between us.

    Tom Clark:
    I, my self, can't seem to figure out whether you are a particular trick the brain accomplishes.

    For the non-philosophers.

    Ken Ham:
    Want to sit on my 4000 year old velociraptor?

    Peter Atkins:
    The universe is one big confidence trick, nothing did indeed come from nothing. With you by my side, it would be an even bigger confidence trick.

    Richard Dawkins:
    A truly mechanistic-cum-scientific view of your brain makes nonsense of the idea of responsibility. If we act like responsible adults, we will make nonsense of science, and we don't want that.

    ReplyDelete
  25. James:

    Baby, when I look at you it's like a religious experience.

    Peirce:

    Eventually we will come to agreement so we might as well get started.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Whitehead:

    How about prehending my actual entity?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Whitehead (again)

    Baby, you are the aim of my throb of experience.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Whitehead is really rich - or, as he would say, fecund:

    "Baby, when I prehend your alluring superjections, my concrescence becomes totally intense."

    "Darlin, you are the Eros of my existence."

    "Sweetheart, you are the satisfaction of my subjective aim."

    ReplyDelete
  29. Liebniz:

    "Baby, you are the hottest of all possible women."

    ReplyDelete
  30. The Churchland one may be my favourite.

    But I can't really see Plato using a pick-up line. He's more likely to say, "Let's just be friends."

    ReplyDelete
  31. Frege:

    "What's your attitude to my proposition?"

    ReplyDelete
  32. C S Lewis:
    "I enjoy surprises!"

    ReplyDelete
  33. Rousseau:

    "All men are born free but everywhere in chains. Say, speaking of men in chains…."

    ReplyDelete
  34. As long as were doing
    dreadful philosophy puns....

    Remember those highway signs
    for the exit lane?


    ANSELM BLVD & GODD ST

    MUST EXIST




    .

    ReplyDelete
  35. These are fantastic. I think I'm going to actually use some of these tomorrow on a girl who sits beside me in my Greek Phil. seminar. Wish me luck!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Karl Rahner:

    "In practice, there may be pragmatic reasons for suspending the law of celibacy, even though it is ecclesiastically desirable. Because -- damn, baby -- so are you."

    Hobbes:

    "Care to step into the men's room for something nasty, brutish and short?"

    ReplyDelete
  37. Stevo Darkly, you beat me to the Hobbes punch, but in a much more deviant way. My Hobbes line: "The life of man is nasty, brutish, and short––fortunately, baby, I am none of those things."

    Camus:

    "Come on, honey, talk to the Stranger." / "It might seem futile to keep pursuing you, but I'm on a roll and it would be absurd to give up."

    [Dr. Feser, what have you done!]

    ReplyDelete
  38. Democritus:

    Hey, don't you fret now, sweetheart! When I glom on to you this way, it's just a meaningless accident.

    Aristotle:

    Baby, you've got the raw material, and I've got the potency, so let's get some action in motion here!

    Heraclitus:

    Come on, baby, I’m on fire!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Dr. Feser, what have you done!

    I'm starting to wonder. A couple of these are a little close to the line taste-wise, folks. Let's keep it clean.

    ReplyDelete
  40. In all seriousness, I recently finished Strauss's Natural Right and History and I believe Rousseau does not get as much 'exposure' or 'credit' as he should for the vapid individualism of modernity, for which Locke is typically blamed. I wonder if you would like to post something about the influence of Rousseau on modernity, Dr. Feser, not only vis-à-vis his theories of human nature but also his esotericist doctrine of the promulgation of science for mass society. As I read Strauss, Rousseau argues that the infinite plasticity of human nature is the grounds for its highest––and perhaps only–-good, namely, unbridled, creative freedom. He also argues that because only artistic souls like himself could handle this truth, the mass of society needed to adhere to a watered down form of reality, sanitized of the harsh realities of Newtonianism, which of course means that that "science" should not guide public policy. This combination of anti-essentialism and esoteric scientism makes Rousseau an interesting bedfellow, I'd say, among current scientismatics.

    Best, and apologies for anything too unsavory,

    ReplyDelete
  41. Xeno: baby, why do keep running away from me? I just want to be next to you.

    ReplyDelete
  42. St. Augustine:
    "You're not chaste yet, are you?"

    (Honestly, I'm surprised no-one's done this one already.)

    Hegel:
    "Hey, baby, wanna participate in the self-actualisation of the Spirit?"

    ReplyDelete
  43. Hillel the Elder:

    (1)If not now, when, babe?

    (2)You aren't hateful; do unto me.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Aristotle:

    Enough of this potentiality business, let's get into the act!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Swinburne/Butler:

    Let simplicity be the very guide of your life.

    Q. Smith:

    You almost made me believe you're a significant contribution to the overall value of the universe.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Hume would also say: "I am not sure if you are the cause of my feelings"

    (an then suddenly a bush of roses appears without any cause in Hume's hand)

    ReplyDelete
  47. i know i'm late on the scene but i had to ...

    Avicenna:

    "Baby, me and you getting it on is possible in itself but necessary through some wine."

    ReplyDelete
  48. I find it hard to believe that Abelard didn't make it on the list even after two years of comments! I feel like anything from his letters to Heloise could fit in here!

    ReplyDelete
  49. I find it hard to believe that even with two years of comments Abelard hasn't made an appearance! He's one of the only Medievals I can think of that could probably be quoted for some real pick up lines that he either thought or actually said!

    ReplyDelete
  50. I've been looking for some best pick up lines and I found this post! I really find it interesting and gave me a good laugh. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete